I Just Need A Break

I think I have to take a break. Nobody supports this music thing I'm trying to do and I don't know how much longer I can deal with that. It hurts so bad. I just love this & nobody believes except people who don't even know me. If I say something it's like a joke. My parents act like I'm a child and try to make people do things to pacify me or they just go along with what I say. Nobody believes. I hate that. God, please let me see the purpose in your plan. But even if you don't. I'll trust you.

& I'll be loving you always

Semaj

Believe in Me

They are the first faces you come to remember
The first voices that teach you language
They are the first people who give you love
And the first people who withhold support when you need it most
Who will doubt your biggest dreams

I don't know if you know me or understand me, but get this: I am dedicated to who I've been chosen and called to be. However, every day it seems like I'm fighting a never ending battle with those around me. I feel like I want so bad to achieve this goal, but everybody is looking at the impossibility of the situation. I'm looking at what God told me. I know that I'm destined to do this, but I feel like no one really supports my dreams.

I've tried to tell my family about my musical aspirations with little to no reaction, I've tried to get them to read my blog and no one does, I've tried to tell them my dreams to do event planning and working in broadcast but no one seems the least bit supportive. They don't even seem to care.

I guess I've got to learn to do this for me, but it gets so hard when you really want something and you want people to believe in you.

I just want them to believe in me and give me encouragement. My family hasn't taught me about encouragement really. I've been talked about by my family about being over weight, about my breast being too large (which caused me to get a breast reduction) and even my hair. I just want someone in this family, immediate and distant, to see the potential that so many outside people see in me.

I want them to believe in me.

But maybe I'm wishful thinking and should stick to believing in myself.

& I'll be loving you always

Semaj

No Compromise

Sell a lot of records and you roll a Benz
Swoll up in the spot, now you losing friends
All you wanna do is give the world your heart
but the label tried to make you compromise your art
--Erykah Badu

What can I do? What makes this make sense to me. I know there is no progress without struggle, but geez. All I want is a little support. There is so much that I want to do, but I feel like nobody is really understanding what I'm really trying to do. I know my purpose, I know the plan, I know what I'm supposed to do. I guess I just have to go with that, but I want somebody to support me in that. At least one person. I feel like I'm speaking to thin air most of the time.

I love singing. I love music and I know I was destined for great things, but getting there alone seems impossible. I've got to trust God more. I know he gifted me in this way for a purpose. He gave me this difficult road for a reason and in the end I'll know full well what all of this means. I just get so frustrated during the journey sometimes. I think I just know who I'm supposed to be. I know the things that are to come and people think I'm crazy for thinking this way. I just cannot help but know that greatness lies within me. I just do.


& I'll be loving you always


Semaj

Guess Who's Back?

Hey Everyone!

Back with a Video for the Blog! Stay tuned. It's TIME!

Don't forget to follow me on twitter @MusicLovHer

MWA!

Who I am...and Who I want to be

I've got little beauty to boast about
I don't make men faint or stare
But there's something amazing about my diligence
that you cannot find in my hair
I've got a cool confidence that's brighter than my smile
And my wisdom is better than a figure fair
I pride myself on my mind
So what I'm not the belle of the ball ...I can't say i care
I may not get you with this face
But my mind will amaze


I've been in such a funk lately. I'm at a very important crossroad. I've got the rest of my life dangling before me and I'm praying that I make the right decisions. It's a scary thought. Ironically, I haven't really come to grips with the fact that maybe this singing career won't happen. It's not because I don't want it, it's just I don't have the kind of support for it that I think I need. My parents don't encourage it, they don't even talk to me about it really. My friends don't encourage it much and it gets discouraging. I know I have been gifted with this. God uses me in song, but I just cannot seem to get the people around me to realize just how much it means to me.

Someone asked me yesterday if it was something I was willing to pursue and I told them "I'd give up everything to do this." I meant that. I want nothing more than to sing and play everyday...to touch people with my music. I just need support from the one's I love. I fear I"m going to end up being successful and hate every moment of it. I pray I am not.

It's funny. Who I'm planning to be and who I want to be are not the same person. Such is life.

I'm hopeful anyway.



With ♥,
Semaj